Here’s the answer folks, no. Let’s be honest here, compared to the rest of America all of the residents of Hollywood are fucking amazing. We’re talking about a city where you get arrested for not having a Versace purse when you walk down the street and if you weigh over 25 pounds you have an eating problem.Is Matt toned? Sure. Is Camila skinny? Yup. But who cares? This is a city that thrives on the ideal of toned bodies and as soon as someone gets the least bit pudgy they are grist for the mill. Anyone remember this image?

Back in the day, Mr. Terminator himself was the image of “Is this the hottest man in Hollywood?”. Furthermore, it no longer takes someone famous getting chunky to make it for the headlines. Now days, here’s a better suggestion for some headlines that would get the real hits. And let me tell you, these would get the buyers for the headlines:

“IS CAMILA AVILES SUCKING PUSSY?”

“DOES MATT TAKE IT IN THE BUTT?”

“NEW PHOTOS OF GAY FAT SEX ORGY!”

Who wants to bet these will be on the tabloids in a week? In the end, if we all had personal trainers and a budget like these two, we’d all look like them. But we don’t, so in the meantime all us normal fat bastards will just keep saying “They may be, but at least I look normal.”

britney spears loses custody of her children? wow, the only people who didnt see that comming are those living under a rock and, well, a certain mother who choose to go out clubbing without doning her panties. her bodyguard came forth a few days ago to address some disturbing news: she would do home activities while naked with her children in sight and do drugs in front of them as well. add that to not wearing panties in public and we have a fantastic role model of a mother. why do gay people love her so much? please, tell me. cause she just isnt cute anymore.

holy cow! pamela anderson and rick saloman have wed in las vegas. this just takes my breath away. this is the same rick saloman who was involved in the most popular sex tapes of all time - the paris hilton sex tape and the tommy lee / pam anderson sex tape. need i go futher and state that she told “ellen degeneres” last week that she fell in love with a man she paid off her poker debt to with sexual favors? will this woman grow a brain? wow. rick saloman is really looking to score big time, again, at her expense. I am looking foward to the release of One Night in Pam — in full color.

Beyonce refuses to de-sex her preformance in malaysia after students demand that she cover her cleavage. i would rather her cancel her preformance than arrive at the show in a full body stocking. come one, that would look really silly. and an obscene breast showing (her dress falls down in concert sometimes, search for it yourself booty-shaking black american preformer has no place in kuala lumpur anyway, where woman are look down upon because men get hard looking at them. same planet, different worlds i guess.

Okay ladies and gentlemen, here’s another round of disgust to keep you going through the night. The subject on this fine fall evening is the lovely example of humanity known as Tania Head. (And the irony of her last name is not lost on me, I’m sure she’s good at it.) This bottom feeding spineless pseudo-human is a woman that it now appears has faked being a survivor of the World Trade Center attacks and used that to start a network for other survivors; and in the process has become one of the best known speakers for several groups of actual survivors.

Now, I feel the need to clarify a few things at this point. I do know people that were close to the WTC when this happened, but they were friends of friends and their stories didn’t really affect me. And to be honest, the entire WTC event didn’t really affect me too much either. I knew terrorist attacks happen all the time all over the world, and the fact that it took this long for the U.S. to be hit is frankly surprising to me. (People that will be offended by a lack of concern should leave now.) In the end, the only way that I was concerned about this on the morning of 9/11 was the thought “I hope this doesn’t interfere with my high speed connection.” And please don’t ask about the incident with the CD tower a couple days later with a paper airplane sticking out of it.

But having said that I’m a callous bastard, I must admit that this is really the bottom of the barrel. In fact, it’s not the bottom of the barrel. It’s humanity proving to me once again that if you lift the barrel up, dig down a few feet, and then install an open sewage line into the hole that you can really find new ways to determine what the lowest common denominator is.

I’m torn on how to think about this bone gobbling bitch. On the one hand, she has been a master manipulator that obviously has a shred of intelligence for putting this together. She has been counted as one of only 19 survivors to make it out of the South Tower from a floor where the plane hit, and has done so only by being a convincing person. That takes balls folks. Hell, I’m amazed that she can even walk from the size of the cojones that she must have swinging between her legs. And, I must confess, mine aren’t that large. (But they are real close people, so don’t ask for pictures of the twins unless you are ready to be ravaged by the awesome power. It’s been compared to street lugeing down a mountain of razor blades they are that amazing.)
On the other hand, this type of shit is to me what exemplifies the worst of humanity. Here’s a nothing little bitch, destined for a life of data entry or slinging hash at the nearest greasy spoon that is willing to overlook the herpetic sores on her skin. But she happens to live in a city that suffers one of the greatest terrorist attacks in American history and the first thing that she says is “I can get somewhere from this.” So this moderately good liar comes along and the next thing you know BAM! She’s travelling the world and hosting dinners and speaking at schools and universities about a life she never fucking had. This shit has got to go.

I mean come on, if this shit licking little whore is willing to play with the emotions of other people the same way she used to play with balls for money on the corner of 76th in Manhattan, then the only solution is to take her out behind the nearest shed and treat her like Old Yeller at the end of the movie. In the long run, doing this would be better than listening to some lying little piece of gutter trash sing into a microphone about “I’m a stronger person…” Once we get them all removed, at least there will be something good on T.V.

Let’s see…..um……YES!!!! Come on people, this man looks like a life long heroin addict that used to listen to Manson interviews for fun. Now we’ve all seen people like this on the street sometimes, you know the type that makes you think “Wow that looks like a guy that would masturbate to snuff films while he rams commerative Statuettes of Liberty up his ass with peanut butter.” Now this doesn’t mean that he did kill that woman, but this is not just a matter of the camera treating the man badly. It just means that he looks crazy enough to have carved her tits off and used them as castanet’s as he danced around his house naked smeared in shit.

Personally I was disappointed to find out that the jury was hung on the Phil Spector case though, and not because he looks like he sold his soul to the devil and ended up as a withered sub-creature that was spawned by demon sperm. I wanted to see the man get hit with a sentence long enough that would have left his ass as everyone’s cum dumpster in maximum security for one simple reason. He works for the recording industry. “Finally”, I thought, “A recording industry executive who will finally get the same treatment that they’ve given the public, legal ass rape with sandpaper as the lube.”

But noooooooo, along come twelve simpering morons who barely have two synapses to rub together and they can’t decide if he fucking did it? Look at the man! This is the same kind of guy who looks like he always keeps a fresh supply of kittens on hand for when he goes cruising the school yard in the van with no windows in it. Want some Pokemon cards kids? Come on in the van, there’s plenty of them back here right next to my cock! Grab a handful!

So now this twisted abomination that is a mockery of human life is going to be allowed to walk the earth free again, when we were so close to finally being able to just drive the wooden stake into his chest and end his wretched existence. I fail to see why it’s so hard for anyone famous in California to get convicted of anything. I mean come on, Berretta gets off by saying that he couldn’t have killed the woman because he was going back to the restaurant to get his gun; OJ gets off by saying that he was playing golf at two in the morning; and now Phil Spector’s slimy ass manages to squeeze free because 12 mouth breathing dullards are unable to convict someone who was in Easy Rider. “Sure he looks like he kills puppies in order to reach orgasm your honor, but we just can’t make up our minds.” Look crazy? Sometimes looks don’t lie folks……